#gives me comfort. makes me feel better. helps me process my trauma in a way dats not invasive to me personally& dat i have full control of

[gurorori]

im really sad thinkin abt some of my friends

[red-bat-arse]

Plans on Pause AU

-after the summer is over, Stan and Ford spend a few months practicing sailing in brief trips while helping Soos to rework the Shack and learn how best to run it before he has to close up for the winter and they go on to sail for an actual long excursion

-one day close to that rough deadline Stan gets a call from Mabel out of the blue, and she's already pretty freaked out

-he gets her to calm down enough to learn that she and Dipper have been home alone for three days after their parents went to pick up Shermie from the airport and never came back

-obviously both him and Ford drop everything and head straight to them

-once with the kids, they all find out there was a car accident

-very sad au for the first bit but the thing about trauma is that you can handle it better when you have a good support system and no one can say Stan and Ford wouldnt do anything for Mabel and Dipper's sakes

-this includes putting their plans of sailing on hold until things settle down

-BUT

-they also don't all go back to gravity falls yet because Dipper and Mabel want to finish out the school year and not leave their house immediately after the funeral

-so instead they stay in piedmont... and then the anomalies start showing up

-this au also involves my hc that ppl marked by Bill in some way actually act like magnets for weirdness and that's why Stan and Ford in canon easily find anomalies while sailing

-so now with all four Pines' in piedmont things get weird real quick

-shenanigans ensue while both sets of twins are working through their grief and the distraction helps some

-even if it also means that several times Ford has had to burst into the school in the middle of the day to happily remove some odd creature that the kids spotted during algebra

-and let's just say parent-teacher nights and PTA meetings are a lot more interesting once Stan gets comfortable deploying his former(?) conman methods

-they go back to Gravity Falls for march break and the kids come back with complicated feelings about how they feel more at home in the Shack than their childhood house

-piedmont very quickly gives the Pines' the Addams Family treatment -weirded out but kind of takes it in stride too with the occasional person being on their wavelength

-by the end of the school year they've all processed a lot of the grief and make the long trip moving fully up to oregon, with Soos and Wendy coming down to help out

-they stay in Gravity Falls after that, with Stan and Ford eventually agreeing to take trips sailing once they're back in school the next year and have Abuela, Soos and Melody there to watch them while they're gone

-everyone is unaware for a good while that they left behind a new pocket of weirdness in piedmont that isn't just going to fade away without them around

-that's it! that's all i got -please tag me if this sparks anything for yall🥺

[hyperfixatedbean]

Why I think Eddie Diaz is autistic !

(As an autistic individual)

- Struggle with emotional expression:

He often struggles to express emotions, particularly in his relationship with women, (look at the way he acted with Sharon, Ana and Marisol, never communicating clearly, or doing it VERY straightforwardly (-> “you should go”)

He struggle with articulating his feelings, to name his emotions and process them (seemingly alexithymia) and he close off a lot, even with his therapist !

- Literal Thinking:

He tend to interpret language literally, (interactions with his colleagues and fast problem-solving, keeping a cool head under very stressful situations, the way he react to jokes, the way he doesn’t believe and ‘judge’ the way they fear superstitions, only believing what he can prove)

It seems to me like he experiences challenges with understanding figurative language or sarcasm and only believe what is proven, he’s very closed off about the idea of superstition which can be seen in some autistic people who struggle with theses concept

And he can be really straightforward (see the “you should go home Ana” or the “last time he wore that was at his mom’s funeral”) -> stating facts straightforwardly without processing it first and without realizing how stating it like that can be ‘awkward’ to others

- Meltdowns and Coping Mechanisms:

He experiences moments of intense frustration and resorts to unhealthy coping mechanisms (-> fights and destroying his room, hurting himself and other in the process (as in a lot of autistic meltdown and the way a lot of us turn to violent coping mechanisms to fight against sensory overload and the complexity of understanding our own emotions -> resorting to violence)

He parallels experiences of sensory overload and regulation, also his panic attacks and the way he avoid addressing his trauma and feelings by brushing it off and ignoring his own mental health, struggling to understand his own feelings about what he’s experiencing

- Difficulty with Trauma and Normalcy:

His reluctance to address trauma and persistent efforts to appear "normal."

It reflects challenges faced by autistic ppl in processing traumatic experiences and blending in with neurotypical society (force conformism and such)

There’s something about the way he and his father approach emotions, keeping it hidden and close off, that resonates a lot with my own experiences as someone autistic raised by someone who’s (probably) autistic too ‼️

+ the way he quickly connect with Buck exemplifies the ‘neurodivergent link’ : ADHD and autism solidarity is a reality ! Neurodivergent people tend to feel more secure, comfortable and friendly with other neurodivergent individuals!!

He basically just give such a autistic energy, like- I really connect with his struggle and the way he interact with the world around him, but please tell me what YOU think 🫶‼️

To have a better view of this part of him we would need more of his pov, sadly we rarely get it so I’m basing this of what I remember, what I personally see in him, what I connected with :’D

(Keep in mind that I probably projecting and it’s just an headcanon, not hate please <3 constructive criticism is welcome tho !!)

Credits it to @thisonemaniac that helped me make this post :D !! We talked about it a bit, I highlighted in orange what he remind me off ‼️

(Since you asked me about it you might want to read this :D !! I explained it better I think xD @lesbianphoebespengler )

[notawomanimagod]

Today I realised the reason I love Silco so much is because maybe I relate to him in an uncanny way? ( And that I unintentionally have a Silco+Jinx tattoo?)

Some backstory first

I'd gone to college with my childhood best friend/partner and we had a whole plan for our futures and I was a big dreamer. I got us into all the schools/opportunities we wanted to purely by planning a lot. By constantly making sure we had a way out. By keeping us moving. By being the one that put their head down and planned. They had fire initially, which made us bond, but later they sort of showed up and came along for the ride.

Our campus was on the outskirts of a city which coincidentally had a polluted river flowing through it, where dead bodies were found. The water contained so many chemicals, it foamed unnaturally and your skin could feel it.

We would sit on the shores of this river and plan how we'd make it out of here and move to a better place. How we'd break the cycle. How we'd live in a nice house, eat good food and simply live a peaceful life. Away from the violence and chaos of the families we came from.

But things started falling apart, and both of us had vastly different ideologies. We didn't fit like perfect puzzle pieces anymore.

After months of tension, an ongoing fight blew up to the extent they choked me and shoved me down while I clawed at them to get away.

I grew so bitter and felt so betrayed.

This was my best friend. Young, hopeful me considered them my other half in every sense. This was the person I grew up with, we'd gotten each other through so much trauma in our lives and we'd barely survived everything together.

We've both stopped each other from early deaths and yet, there they were, throwing our future away, while I tried my best to acquire it.

I always felt like I didn't resent them for abusing me, I hated them for giving up. On our dream, on our future.

Suddenly I was thrown away.

That dynamic felt eerily similar to Silco/Vander, down to the size difference.

Around that time the only way I knew how to cope was to imagine myself reborn. I became a new person, being betrayed changed me so fundamentally, I had to change.

I viewed everything as pre-incident and after. Pre-betrayal, post-betrayal.

My younger self had no means of understanding why I'd been left behind to rot. While they got a comfortable life. Got to keep our friends. They got the better end of the deal. They got everything.

And I was absolutely alone, isolated. Driven to the point of insanity by everything they'd done to me.

I swore to only trust in myself after that.

I got this tattoo to symbolise my "rebirth" and how to find strength solely in myself.

My younger self had a lot in common with Silco/Jinx and it's a funny coincidence that my tattoo ended up having both their motifs.

Anyways, I didn't understand how much of my own life I saw in Silco's until my brother pointed this out recently. But it helped me process some of the feelings I felt when I began to read more on Silco/Vander's dynamic and why I was drawn to it.

I have always been that dirty little thing, scraping it together and clawing my way out.

No wonder I loved Silco's Rebirth narrative. It truly is the realest arc anyone who experiences trauma/ abuse/betrayal goes through.

And now years later, even though I have a peaceful life, my own apartment, sometimes I get reminded of how I could be hurt and that little part of me that is always on the run comes back in ropes of rage. I need to be in control.I have tried to harden myself and yet, I am still soft. I would often think my caring for others was my biggest weakness, though now I treasure it.

No wonder I love this little rat man. I am what he is. (Down to the black hair and scribbling in journals and leather jackets and cigarettes and being fruity lmfaoo)

No wonder I absolutely love everything about his characterization in season one.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

So far, Kidnap the series, is BL-ing in all the right ways. It's light fare, but that's exactly what it aims for, and its hitting near the bullseye every episode. Just because its light doesn't mean its bad. Consider this my plea to everyone--for the sake of romance, BLs, and Thai BLs in particular--to stop equating dramatic naturalism with 'good' art. Kidnap is silly, sweet, and such a throwback to classic BLs--it's already hit most of the BL tropes. More importantly, Kidnap understands a major 'why' of BLs and light fare, and the series, itself, is depicting that 'why': they can give an overwhelming sense of reparation for queer people's buried traumas.

On the podcast Boys Love Boys Love, hosts and gay married couple Adam and RJ have been recapping their first watch of ITSAY (which very much broke open many traditions of the BL genre) with guests. In all three recaps so far, the guests and hosts have detailed vividly how, despite feeling 'proud' of their sexuality, BL shows allowed them to revisit painful experiences of isolation and abandonment in adolescence that occurred because of homophobia and then re-imagine an adolescence in which they weren't constantly on guard but instead experienced genuine adult care, friendship, and uninhibited explorations of first love. BL shows and their happy endings help queer people process griefs we don't realize we've suppressed.

I see a parallel to this experience in Kidnap as Min aids Q in coping with his acute PTSD, especially in the play acting scenes. Q can safely engage with his past experience and gain a sense of control and compassion over what he couldn't manage originally. Because I'm a performance dork at heart, the context of Ohm, the 'king of BLs,' leading Leng, an entirely green actor, within the show and through the actual process of acting in BLs doubles down on the theme. With each clear-from-outer-space romance beat, the show promises that this is a safe place to be vulnerable.

In the latest episode (episode 5), the series even began to reveal plot-relevance to its BL levity. We've all joked about Min's incompetency with all the crime he's been drawn into. After the first episode, the people on the internet chucked it up to a cheesy show disinterested in researching and committing to the realities of crime, but then James walked in the next week and called him out on it all. It was just Min, not the show. His exuberant care and desperation to please has led him, unsurprisingly, into a web of deception with no way out.

Brother Mhen laid it flat out this week: just because Min takes care of him doesn't mean he doesn't also provide kinds of care for his brother. Min, like any human-being, has his own weaknesses and issues of self-worth, and Q, with his savvy and prerogative of self-preservation learned from his upbringing, is positioned perfectly to provide the care and encouragement Min needs. I don't think the show has invited this comparison as directly, but it does make me think about how we figure the lighter BL shows and people like Ohm, a particularly evocative representative for creators in the industry, who endure controversies and vitriol to bring their best attempts to lighten the burdens of audiences.

For all the intense feelings ITSAY or The Eight Sense or The On1y One produced in me, I can recognize that their 'cinematic' style, with its naturalistic performances and precise camera work, is still just a style. It's not inherently better than shows recorded on sound-stages with more theatrical performance styles, though many critics and scholars have trained us to think that way. I Love Lucy, The Golden Girls, and shows like them are undeniably celebrated series that have no interest in approaching cinematic style.

Stable cameras, broader characters, and more absurd situations allow for subversive problems to be broached and tackled (and laughed at) while maintaining audience comfort. The slapstick and screwball comedy is one of the things I've adored about Thai BLs, in particular. The audience can feel for but not with the characters. And, that healthy distance is not to be diminished. Comfort can be a vitally important aesthetic experience, and the rules for judging genres that prioritize it are very different than those used for judging prestige tv and *poetic cinema.*

Too much realism would be detrimental to an action rom-com like Kidnap because the audience would no longer feel safe to laugh and coo about these characters in their situation. Although GMMTV is leaning more into its cinematography for BLs recently with this series and The Trainee (maybe toss Moonlight Chicken in there), I personally appreciate how they've maintained the genre's unpretentious sentimental tone, even as they've allowed creators to expand the breadth of the genre and address its problems. That tonal lightness allows us, in Kidnap, to safely dive into PTSD and perhaps our own experiences as queer adolescents with parents who left us unseen as we suffered alone; we trust the show will leave us and the characters resolved in the end.

But I don't want to mistake that kind of depth as the main point of BLs. Those are the undercurrents but we're meant to have fun here. You don't pull-up Miss Congeniality on your TV to understand the human condition. We like these characters, feel safe to open up our hearts, and trust, even as threats of death loom, queer love will conquer all.

[yannaryartside]

Why did Claire convince Carmy to drop HIS ideas for the menu?

So, did somebody else get upset when Carmy explained to Sydney that Claire made him realize "there are things I don't really care about...anymore" about the menu?

Like, wtf dude, this is YOUR menu, the whole point of your restaurant, why the fuck do you now think you don't care?

On Claire changing the menu

I think that Storer was really smart for not showing that scene, where Claire is comforting Carmy after his panic attack. Now, from what we can gather of the actual events, Carmy got a panic attack, then they talked about Donna driving a car through the wall of their house, and sometime before or after all that, they talked about the menu. A couple of things that, if they happened, could have been big red flags about Claire:

Why was Claire's solution to tell Carmy to forget about his original ideas for the menu? that is like "Oh honey does this cause your anxiety (you know, because you care about it) why don't you just drop it? Maybe then you will be happy" You have to treat the anxiety, not avoiding the things you care about because of it.

Did Claire dismiss Carmy's intentions on the menu, because it had to do with Syd? Like, did she actually recommended to drop it all because it would mean that Carmy and Sydney won't collaborate anymore? because Claire felt threatened? We all saw the way Claire looked at Syd.

Even if you could justify all this by "she was doing the best she knew to help him" I think the audience wouldn't have appreciated her talking Carmy into forgetting his vision for his own restaurant. That is the equivalent of Mary Jane telling Peter not to be Spiderman.

Now, and this is the really weird part, at this point Carmy is trying to make all the dishes his family made, but change them a little, recontextualize them. To make them "his own" and he told Claire about that, he part that is not clear is why he dropped the "thoughtful chaos menu" and just left the "chaos menu" My interpretation of this, again, is because thoughtful chaos can only be made by Carmy and Syd's collaboration. So Claire agreed with the things relating to the Berzatto traditions, but not, idk, Carmy's original vision for the restaurant, which may have not so much to do with her mother's recipes, and wanted to explore more to create something unique with Syd ideas too?

On Claire comforting Carmy.

Just a little last note. They had sex. Like, Claire and Carmy had sex after he got a panic attack, and the next morning he was still stressed as fuck. While just the memory of Sydney was able to calm him down from a huge panic attack (while he was thinking of Claire). Jejejeje.

Now...being serious. Idk if you think that offering sex for calming someone down is cute...I don't think it is. Even if they have already calmed down and you just want to "make their night better" or whatever.

Some people get really into sex while they get stressed, but a panic attack is more of an "I am dying' feeling, and it can depend on the person, Carmy is the kind who gets frustrated, exasperated, and violent while trying to handle his anxiety. So trying to make somebody not feel any of that that by asking them to be in the mood for fucking...Like "Oh, the trauma that you are trying to process right now honey, just don't feel it, but I want to fuck, and I know it can make you feel better" Personal opinion: gives me the ick, like 'Oh, my affection must be the answer to all your problems, my love is the only medicine you need" It all gets worse in my mind when I remember this woman is an emergency doctor, she is supposed to know some recommended procedures to help people with panic attacks, maybe she used them before they got into bed, but still, she can only presume that he is in a different head space just a few hours later, and you kinda look like and ashole if she offers and you say no.

I just don't like the idea of forcing mood changes on someone by offering them affection, especially sex. That can be really toxic for both parties.

[nightcolorz]

okay i swear last from me tonight and no spoilers for show but i need armand happiness can we have some book armand / devils minion headcanons. literally about anything- their relationship, what they like to do, post canon, general armandisms that make me love him So Much?

don’t worry about bothering me I love when u interact with me <33 ok so I have a rlly cringe post canon devils minion head canon that I have been wanting to talk about but it’s rlly cringe and self indulgent 😭💔 but tbh, about as cringe as anything in late book canon so 🤷 I hope u enjoy and it makes u feel better, it’s my go to comfort headcanon

so I think Anne rices canon introduction of “through Science™️ vampires can conceive children with the help of DNA 🧬 , but they will come out as genetic clones, literally like identical twins but they r ur child, and lestat has a canon clone son” is a stroke of unhinged world building genius that is greatly underutilized by the fandom! I also think the vampire chronicles fandom is rlly missing out on some cringe fandom trademarks (like fandom ocs, ridiculous aus, stuff like that) bcus of the lawsuit thing probably. So anyway, I made the change I want to see in the world, and I have a genetic clone fan child oc 🙏. inspired by Armand’s canonically paternal personality and nurturing tendencies and soft spot for children, I like to think that way way post canon (around modern day) Armand and Daniel decide to Start A Family, and go through the process lestat did of conceiving a clone child with a surrogate (through armands dna), and they have a son (clone of Armand) named Ivan (after Armand’s father, I’m sappy) ! 🥰🥰 . It’s so silly I know, but I think having the opportunity to raise a human child and getting to give him and watch him live the mortal life he constantly envies and hoped to be able to provide Benji and Sybelle (before it was stripped from them) would be like, rlly good for Armand, and definitely I could see him in later canon wanting to pursue having a child with Daniel bcus of this unresolved grief. The clone layer, as ridiculous as it is, adds another dimension of sappy bcus not only will Armand get to live out the catharsis of giving a human child the fulfilled human life he never got, he will also get to see *himself*, or an almost too literal embodiment of his inner child, get to experience what he never did, and live that happy and safe childhood that Armand was deprived of. I think watching his son who looks just like him grow up and become a man while Armand is eternally frozen as a teen would be hard for him, but still healing and important.

So in my heart, post canon Armand and Daniel have their shit together enough to healthily (tho imperfectly) raise their clone son Ivan, who lives and dies a mortal. Ivan is the most spoiled child to ever live and he has a lavish playroom that is practically a house, fifty iPads, probably like ten ponies, etc etc. I imagine since he shares so much of Armand’s dna he strongly carry’s a lot of his traits, such as autism and strong hyper fixations. And I like to think he’s a little bit of a brat like Armand was as a child🙏 especially since his other dad Daniel does little to discourage those tendencies 😭. Ivan is a screen addict, a model train addict, and a Wolf Kid. He grows up to be the freakiest, strangest, long haired big bearded 5’6 ginger man at the gay bar. As a toddler Armand dresses him like a tiny fancy little man bcus he won’t have any son of his committing any fashion crimes, but unfortunately for Armand Ivan takes after Dad-niel in the fashion department and by the time he’s able to dress himself he wears wolf themed t-shirts and cargo shorts everyday 💔💔

Daniel is rlly naturally good with kids which is incredibly sexy and romantic to Armand. He’s the fun dad 💀 Armand is a little too strict and a little to over protective bcus of how trauma based I imagine his parenting would be, and daniels laid back, comfy and understanding energy helps level that out. When he’s a teenager Ivan goes through a rebellious emo phase and Armand and Daniel have to spend all of their energy desperately trying to ensure Ivan doesn’t tap into his addiction gene or his strong susceptibility to inheriting his father’s personality disorders 💀. He is very doted on and very loved, he is given more care and attention than any other child would be capable of receiving 😭. Armand is convinced he’s a child genius and will definitely cure cancer and become a world leader, so he tends to parade him around like his prized possession that everyone needs to know is incredibly special during Vampire Family reunions or whatever goes on post canon. ivan is not allowed to interact with Most vampires, except for Uncle Louis, who finds it emotionally difficult to be around children 😭 and Uncle Lestat (only under careful supervision of Uncle Louis), who loves throwing Ivan around like a ragdoll and telling him embarrassing facts about Armand 💀

I hope u like this lol, thank u for the ask!!! <33 u r always welcome to ask me for headcanons or ask for my thoughts, that is my favorite thing. Anyways, for those who r invested, here’s my Ivan art

[pfhwrittes]

riffing off the poll i reblogged re: your blorbos doing top surgery. so these are some vague headcannons on how the members of tf141 would look after a reader post top surgery.

pairings: gaz x reader, soap x reader, simon x reader (romantic), john price & reader (platonic).

warnings: gaz refers to reader as babe and calls the reader handsome.

note: i’ve written this reader to be a trans man but can be read as anyone who wants top surgery. also i am firmly in the camp that you DON’T have to have surgery to be considered transgender or to have your gender respected. fuck knows it’s a hard enough process here in the UK, i can’t imagine my healthcare being stuck behind what is essentially a paywall.

gaz would be a sweetheart. he’d get you drinks and painkillers. he’d move your cushions/pillows around as much as you wanted. he’d pretend not to see when you burst into tears over pain/relief/a weird sense of mourning and fear. he’d even help you to the bathroom and linger outside the door (unlocked, he’d insist on it being unlocked) in case you need help with anything. the man gets your favourite takeaway and doesn’t make a fuss when you only eat a little bit of it because you’re feeling a bit nauseous from the meds you’re on. checks on your drains and dressings and soothes you when you catch sight of the swelling. he reassures you with forehead and cheek kisses when you’re upset and reassures you with a gentle babe you’re so handsome and brave, i can’t wait for you to show off your chest when you’re feeling better.

price would handle it from a more professional perspective (i am not saying reader would be in the military but i am saying that the man deals with paperwork most of the time anyway so he’d handle it for your work). he’s already sent off copies of your medical note from the surgeon, he’s filled in the paperwork to get sick pay. less hands on than gaz (but that’s only because i can’t see price with a trans man in a romantic or sexual way) so he doesn’t overstep but as your friend he’ll bring you food if you ask and painkillers too. checks in with you and sends you book recommendations, music recommendations and the occasional meme (don’t try to tell me he wouldn’t send you memes. that man is a millennial he knows what a fucking meme is) when you’re well enough to complain about being bored.

simon would be kind of a dick about it. listen i don’t make the rules but he would. he’s supportive enough. he’d give you a ride back from the hospital and get you to wherever is the most comfortable but he’s a bit shit at looking after you (the man has no practice outside of emergency medical care). you’d have to text him to get you a drink or painkillers. healthy nutritious food? no. what flavour pot noodle do you want? never mind you’re getting a bombay bad boy because that’s all he’s got in the cupboard. emotionally he’s not great at expressing how he’s feeling about your recovery so he comes across as gruff but that’s mostly because he’s repressing a whole bunch of trauma and fear that things won’t go well. he won’t touch you apart from holding your hand when you ask because he’s worried he’ll mess up your stitches but still it comes across as a bit cold.

soap the darling man is just so fucking excited for you. it’s a bit much actually while you’re still recovering and yeah you end up snapping and it hurts his feelings a little but he’ll try to play it off as not a big deal. he’s just so happy for you (and for himself because he cannot wait to get his hands on you now that you’ll let him because your chest is the way you want it)! super affectionate, peppers you with kisses all over your face. he’s similar to gaz in that he’s all about making you as comfortable as possible and tries to preempt any requests you have (gets you bottles of water and can of irn-bru because that’s what he always wants when he’s feeling under the weather, grabs you as many snacks as you want). unlike gaz he’s enough of a freak to insist on being in the bathroom with you when you need to go, he says it’s to make sure you’re safe but he’s definitely using it as an excuse to touch you as much as possible until you’re fully healed up.

[mental-illness-bingo]

A long time ago, as a toddler, I screamed in my head for someone, anyone to help me. To make it stop hurting. To let me be free.

A man with wings like lambskin, large clawed hands, deep gray skin, and eyes like nothing I had ever seen in my couple of years stood in front of me inside of my head - what I didn't yet know was the headspace - took my small frame into his arms and said "you'll need to toughen up". That scared me more than anything.

"I don't want to be tough. I want to be small and fragile and naïve. I'm supposed to be that right now, I think. I think I would like to be soft forever."

"Okay," he said, amazing me by being a man respecting my no "then I will be tough for you."

Without hesitation, he took the form of someone my age and he lives my life for me, allowing me safety inside of the head with the alters I know are safe to be around. No more outside interaction I don't explicity choose - and he tells me if it's safe or not when I do decide to.

He has taken the risk out of people. He has allowed me the privilege of love and interaction without giving up security or the childish belief that the world can be good.

I'll never, ever say thank you enough times even if I used the breath of the entire world for the next million years.

My host saved my life, my sanity, and maybe even saved the system some trauma by being better at handling the situation, sure.

But most importantly, he saved my innocence. And he didn't even know me yet.

So dear host, when I say I love you and you are the best "brother" I could ever ask for, please don't look at me with those confused eyes. Don't shrug away and hide your demonic wings from me because they are the same ones that you wrapped around me when I was broken and believed I was beyond repair.

Your claws have never ever scratched my skin because unlike every other man, you have always been careful not to hurt me, yet you make it seem effortless. You make me wonder how careless everyone else must have been if you so easily avoid causing any harm at all.

You don't have to be embarrassed of the smell of fire in your breath or your "unnatural" eyes. These have been my comforts for as long as I have had any. That firey smell filled my lungs as you breathed life into a husk of a girl; a tattered doll. Those eyes showed me love larger than any cruelty I had experienced, as impossible as that seemed.

My dear brother, you may be a demon but you are ten times the good any man on Earth could ever be.

I did not know a man could hold me without thoughts and hands and other things under my clothes. I did not know I could feel loved by a man in an entirely platonic and familial way without being in denial of their true thoughts. I did not know safety and a man could exist in the same room.

These things that make you "evil" are the only good I know. The pieces of you that you hate are the exact parts that made you different enough to trust.

Please don't hurt yourself in the process of making yourself appear small and human for me. Human is exactly what I was afraid of. What you think will make me run and hide are the only reasons I didn't back then.

I would never, ever want you to hide even a single one of them.

Be yourself as you are, my gentle host, because that is the version of you that saved me. To me, that is the best of you.

But whoever you are, I love you and am grateful to you and those run deeper than any hurt I have ever experienced. Thank you for showing me something could be larger than the pain.

-B

[fangdokja]

Gonna use this poll to decide if I'll open Anonymous Requests. I doubt I'll open it, but let's see...

And, announcement, yes, I'll keep Anonymous Asks open for now. To be honest, I've gotten both positive comments and hate mail from people in general, both in Tumblr and Ao3. And, I was like, "It's starting." hahahaah

But I'm keeping my Anon Asks inbox open, because I want you all to be comfortable and welcome here. To have a safe space and not have to deal with annoyances of people reprimanding you or something.

I honestly aim to create a community where you can be yourself without fear of judgment as much as possible, to have a place that can comfort you and help you grow better. To process emotions, traumas, hardships, or even just having reading as a form of relaxation, in a safe environment. That's what I aim for.

I'm telling this now, because hate mail is starting already. Ofc automatic delete and block. But for me, what makes me mad (and I rarely get mad) is when people are put down, or their feelings are invalidated; just because you don't understand who they are, and what they're going through. I could care less what happens to me. But for all you Readers, to protect you all; I put my foot down, when it comes to people invalidating others, just because you don't understand them.

I never planned to do this at all. But, comments like this:

I wanted to say, that this is genuinely such a good description of emotions, abuse, and especially on the side with parent and child. This definitely had me relating to my past trauma's, but in a good way that I can recognize it. I never comment, but I genuinely wanted to let you know this and you as a creator are definitely one of my new favorites. Please keep this book up, it's giving me the courage to want to write yandere original character x reader fics. Which is very niche but this helps, also I'm just going to gush that I love your writing style. It's so descriptive without being overly wordy. It's clean and cut like a polished diamond. Clear, concise, with depth.

Or this:

This shit had me almost crying half way through lmao. Had to take a damn break to recover n then I cry in my dream😭I was nvr that mad at a character. This woman is an excuse of a mom. I usually don't comment often but this shit got me heeeated

Such comments give me new perspectives on this blog and my writing. It's not flattery, but a sense of responsibility and empathy for others.

I don't talk about what I've gone through; but I do understand what it means to go through darkness everyday of your life. To walk with death everyday of your life. (yes, Chrollo is extremely relatable to me)

And, I want you guys to know, whatever you're going through. Yes, as cliche as it sounds, you're not alone. Most may not understand, but dark content can be really therapeutic for certain people. To process things in a safe environment without fearing judgment.

And, I refuse to let people who do not understand that, who devalue and discriminate the hardships of others, to fester toxicity in this blog. I know everyone is going through something. I'm not mad at them either, and I pray that every one of you will see God one day. He's the only One worth living for anyway.

But, that doesn't mean I will allow toxic behavior here, actions and words meant to undermine another human's dignity.

Fiction and reality is different. Just because I write about it doesn't mean I condone it. It's like how thriller authors write about murder, but it doesn't mean they killed someone. Or how certain literatures like Shakespeare are read in schools, but that doesn't mean people want you to commit double suicide or incest.

Anyways, these haters don't read my content anyway, at least in actual context or maturely. And, I'm also non-confrontational in nature. I don't like fights nor arguments.

So I'd also appreciate a lot if you Readers also focus on just enjoying this blog without having to deal with toxic stuff. I'll handle it. Don't worry. :)) Just be the bigger fish as they say. No need to stoop down to their level, because these prideful people just crave attention and drama in reality. So, best to not engage them.

I'm telling this now for future preparations and references. I do not want any fighting in my blog, whether you're a long-time reader or a new reader. Those who disobey rules will be automatically blocked without question.

Ok, I'm saying this now, as a new promise to you all.

I hope you and I will stick together for a long time, to grow and develop to become better people. And, for all of us, together, to create a community where Readers can enjoy their stories without fear of judgment and toxicity.

New vision statement? haha, maybe.

Kind of a somewhat heavy real topic; but you know me, I want to be transparent about my intentions with this blog, writing, and community.

I hope you all understand. And, thank you all for the support thus far, this community wouldn't have grown without each of you pitching in to help. So, thank you, and God bless everyone. :))

[bigfan-fanfic]

Nurture (Male Reader x Thor)

Requested by @jayfeather965 for  Thor meets a shy human who has the power to talk to animals and control plants. He met him on a rescue mission from some hydra facility. Can you do a short fic on them forming a relationship as human begins to trust again and get over his trauma?

It had been decided that protective custody would be the best thing for you, and Thor had offered to bring you to Asgard.

SHIELD obviously hadn't liked that, but it wasn't up to them.

Hydra had determined that harkening back to the Auld Ways was the way forward, and their deep dives into mysticism and the occult had not only revealed the existence of Chaos magic, but also the natural magic of the world.

What better weapon than life itself?

What better equipped assassin than one who could take advantage of the most abundant form of complex life?

What better spy than one who can talk to animals?

However, Asgard is pretty much the perfect place for you to feel comfortable.

Magic is not just accepted and known here, but a way of life. Odin and Frigga are both highly accomplished mages, and their son Loki has learned from them both.

So, really, no one is shocked at your abilities, which is actually really helpful in you coming to accept them yourself. In fact, quite a few share similar abilities.

It's still hard to trust anyone, though.

Thor appoints himself your bodyguard and accompanies you wherever you would like to go.

He treats you cautiously, carefully. He never prods you to start talking, nor directs you to go anywhere unless it's for a reason that he explains, like dinner is starting, or there's a very nice secluded garden that you might like to check out.

Eventually, you start to open up to him. It's easy to talk when there's no pressure to it.

You don't talk about what you've been through. Not yet, although there has been a healer you've been obliged to speak with once a week to process what has happened to you.

With Thor you ask about his memories. His childhood, his thoughts. Simple things like his favorite color. You're still pretty shy, so these questions take great effort to ask, and Thor recognizes that.

He takes his time, pondering each question and giving an honest answer, full of introspection. Sometimes a joke.

Thor slowly becomes easy to talk to. He smiles more frequently, and starts to engage you, and now you don't flinch when he asks you something by surprise.

He too opens up, the more personal questions you ask him getting honest answers, sometimes pulling deep emotion from him.

You talk to him about your treatment, about your past. He holds you while you cry, and you take him in your arms when he does.

And one morning, he takes you to a garden you haven't seen yet, and you lean forward to kiss him.

He freezes. Gently stops you.

"I would be lying if I said I did not care for you. But it would be selfish of me to allow this without inquiring... my friendship, my care for you. It does not come with the expectation of anything else."

He blushes. "Though I would love the opportunity to court you, I will not hold it against you if you decide not to - what I'm trying to say is that... you have my respect, my friendship, and my protection, and you do not need to feel the need to repay me in this way. I just need to make sure you know this."

You nod. "I.. this is because I like you, Thor. I like being around you. I like seeing you every day. I like listening to you. Talking to you. I love you."

He smiles softly, eyes prickling with unshed tears. "This... it overjoys me. I fear that if we embrace, I shall never wish to let you go. I promise you now that I will do whatever I can to help you. Even if that means giving you space. Just command me, and it shall be done, my prince."

You blush. "I... I can't promise that I'll ever be fully okay. That I'll stop being afraid of everything. All I know is that I want to try. And I'll keep trying."

He's so close to you right now.

And somehow, when you move slowly, deliberately, your eyes open, to kiss him - it means all the more than rushing into it blindly and impulsively.

Your eyelids flutter shut as your lips meet his, and he's right.

You may never wish to let go.

[whoose-bad-idea-was-this]

Shipping call

(Not proofread)

This is a shipping call, If you're interested in your muse having a relationship with one of my ocs please comment or reblog with the name!

There's a 99% chance I'll accept. The only reasons I can think of that I won't are:

A) Your muses gender is not one which my characters are attracted to but this isn't really an issue because most of my characters are attracted to any gender. The only exceptions are Loki (Who is attracted only to men) and Nymira (Who is attracted only to women)

B) We've RPd before and I don't see our muses looking at each other that way. However this is unlikely.

When it comes to love interests I have some biases towards certain canon characters:

Kaeya for Veerle, Zhongli for Brighella/Loki, Dainsleif for Diederik, Arlecchino for Nymira, Kinich for Cardan, Scaramouche/Wanderer for Kito and Neuvillette for Hadrian.

But this is a multiship blog so there's no need to have these biases better you. On that note,

I'll allow multiple people to ship with my ocs, the relationships can be considered as different universes/timelines

Below is information about my ocs, how they act with their partner, their opinions on PDA and love languages

—OC/character can be either male or female

—It's preferable if your oc can be patient, she needs time and help to process and understand her emotion

—I love her but she's incredibly oblivious to flirtation

—Neutral on PDA, she doesn't mind either way, if her partner likes it then sure

—Her love language(s): physical touch, quality time and acts of service

She isn't good with emotions or words and often relies on identifying the biological reactions to identify emotions. Since wolves often use body language to communicate I think she'd try expressing her feelings through touch. She also observes people to try and understand them, her partner would be no exception. Based on that she'll probably try and help them out, even with mundane tasks so she can spend more time with them.

—OC/character must be male

—Fair warning, Loki is trauma on legs which makes it a little hard to have a fully healthy relationship. He's co dependent, has abandonment issues, and is afraid of opening up incase he scares his partner away with all his issues. Needs a lot of validation. Incredibly self destructive and like 0 self esteem. He thinks/knows he's pretty but only thinks that because his current form is a mixture of all his loved ones.

—His mind (And this applies to both platonic and romantic relationships) is a constant battle of "I will beg on my hands and knees if I have to but please, please, please don't labandon me" vs "I can't ask them not to leave, that would be selfish and make them feel guilty. I am a horrible person and they deserve so much better how could I ever burden them with having to deal with me more than they need to?"

—Lives in fear that his loved ones will see him like he sees himself (He isn't even that bad. He victim blames himself a lot)

—On the other hand he'd be a really sweet partner. Would 100% constantly look at your oc/character as if they were the stars themselves.

—Wife material tbh. He cooks, he cleans, he's good with kids.

—Completely whipped, would 100% burn down the world for their partner no hesitation.

—Yapper will yap. Especially about his partner. Whoever is near him when drunk better be careful because they're going to get an entire essay about how great your muse is lmao.

—Your OC/character should probably be okay with/like children because Loki adopts a lot of them and they are his whole world.

—Comfortable with PDA, infact i think he would prefer to be holding hands with his partner if they're out together

—Their love language(s): Honestly, any of them can fit for him. Acts of service not so much even though he can do it.

Physical touch: He's a clingy cat, I fear. Especially behind closed doors. Give him lots of kisses and cuddles, he is touch starved. He'll probably let his S/O pet his cat features. He also likes just holding hands or something.

Words of affirmation: He needs them. He needs them really badly. He needs to know he isn't being a burden or a bother. He needs to hear that his partner likes having him around.

Quality time: Like I said in the Physical touch section, he is a clingy cat. He loves spending as much time with his partner as possible. Honestly they can be doing anything but as long as Loki is with them, he doesn't care.

Gifts: He very much prefers giving gifts to receiving them. Your oc/character is about to be absolutely SPOILED. If they so much as look at a thing for too long, Loki will buy it for them without so much as a glance at the price tag. He isn't as big on receiving presents but he doesn't mind at all. Still, I put this one the lowest because even though he does it often it's not exactly from a place of love. It's more so that he feels more like a problem than a person and (subconsciously) is trying to compensate for basically just existing in their life. It's also out of a fear that he isn't good enough but maybe his mora will be (once again subconsciously)

—OC/character can be any gender but they must be somebody Lena knows well, has known for a while, and trusts. Big slow burn here.

—Is a very firm believer of actions speak louder than words. Especially because words lie easier than actions.

—She cannot stand being lied to. Lying to her usually puts you all the way back at square 1 of trying to gain her trust.

—Would be preferable if your OC doesn't mind/likes children because she has a lot of little siblings who are her world

—Uncomfortable with PDA

—Her love language(s): Acts of service and quality time. Like I mentioned above, Lena is big on actions speak louder than words. Lena is not the most openly affectionate or cuddly person. She speaks very minimally and likes her personal space. At most would be the occasional "love you" or a hug on a bad day and some kisses here and there. She might provide physical touch or words of affirmation if her partner really needs them but not usually. She prefers showing her affection subtly in the little things. Despite her uncaring attitude she is very observant and takes note of the smallest things. Her partner seems tired? She'll make them some food and take care of any work they have left. Her partner tells her about some appliance not working? Boom, fixed. She also likes spending alone time with her partner, usually in her room or workshop. She is uncomfortable being vulnerable or showing affection in public. Maybe a kiss or two or some hand holding in front of family and close friends at most and thus prefers time alone with her partner so she can be soft and loving.

—OC/character can be any gender

—They probably need to be immortal or live in the Abyss because he hasn't left the Abyss in give or take 500 years.

—Malewife material if he wasn't so sleepy all the time

—The sleepiness is because his powers are taking a toll on him

—A little easy to make jealous (blame the dragon)

—100% a total gentleman

—Comfortable with PDA

—His love language(s): Quality time, words of affirmation and physical touch

Listen, he doesn't mind doing things for his S/O but he's a lazy, tired boy. He likes to keep the physical movement to a minimum. I think he'd love to just cuddle with his partner all day long without a care in the world. He plays the lyre (and some other instruments but mostly the lyre) for fun when he isn't sleeping or busy and i can see him composing pieces for his S/O. He'll try to compose poems for them too only poor boy is really shit at writing poems. And he knows but he does it anyway, just for fun. He'll gladly shower his partner in praises and affection all the time. As long as your OC/character doesn't mind I think he'd enjoy giving his S/O rides on his back in dragon form. If his partner can fly then he likes flying alongside them.

—OC/character must be female

—Huge trust issues with her, the slow burn is going to burn very slowly.

—Listen, all my ocs are a little twisted in the head but Nymira is the most plain about it. If she realises she's falling in love she'll panic and show you the worst sides of her in order to drive your muse away (Her last lover blinded her)

—She is a little batshit insane though. Like, make out over the dead bodies of the people she's killed/probably find it hot if her partner has somebody else's blood on them kind of insane. Only if her partner is comfortable with murder though.

—Your OC/character should probably be an animal lover because she has a lot, and I mean, a lot of animals.

—Will never, ever admit it but she needs affection and validation.

—She isn't uncomfortable with PDA but she isn't fond of it. She doesn't mind though if it's with people she knows and is comfortable with.

—Her love language(s): Acts of service & gifts

She's a menace in public but alone with her lover she's actually fairly sweet. I mean the poker face and snippy words don't go away completely but she's sweet in comparison to how she behaves around everybody else. Composed as she is on the outside, on the inside she's completely and utterly down bad for her partner. For all she makes fun of Loki for being whipped, she is too. She knows she can be a little mean and if she hurts her partner in any way she'll beat herself up over it for a while and then apologise. She's admittedly quite scared of vulnerability so she prefers to express affection through doing little things for her partner and spending her precious, hard earned mora on them.

—OC/character can be any gender

—He's very reckless I fear

—Always comes home with cuts and minor bruises

—But he can and will also take care of his injuries

—He'll definitely try to cut down on getting hurt for his partner's sake butttt

—He's a trouble magnet

—Comfortable with PDA, infact he'd probably often ask his partner for a kiss for good luck before he does some extreme sport, regardless of where they are

—His love language(s): Quality time, physical touch

Emphasis on quality time. Cardan is not a character who likes being alone. Like sure he needs some time to himself occasionally, as does everybody but he much prefers to spend his time in the company of other people both loved ones and strangers. He's a pretty relaxed and fun loving guy, easy to get along with. He's friendly to everybody he meets, unless they've done something prior to upset him personally. Anyway, he is really passionate about skateboarding and extreme sports. It's fine if your oc/character is more on the timid (Not sure that's the right word) side but it think he'd really enjoy sports with his partner.

—OC/character can be male or female but preferably male

—He's so smart but so dumb

—Completely whipped for his partner while simultaneously being a menace to them

—Hope your OC likes dragons because Mini Durin is his unofficial son

—Fair warning, he's been heavily influenced by Alice for a good portion of his life so he's chaotic af

—He definitely has a lot of secrets and keeps his cards close to his chest but the more your relationship progresses, the more he'll open up to you

—Will match his partner's freak without question

—Comfortable with PDA

—His love language(s): Physical touch

He doesn't care what he's doing he just wants to be around his partner as much as possible. He's had way too many people die on him and he's anxious about it happening to his partner too. His tounge has lied far too often and he doesn't feel like it's enough if he uses a tool for lying to tell your OC/character how much he loves and cares about them. So he does his absolute best to show it through actions instead. He'll definitely affirm you verbally but it's usually followed or accompanied by some sort of caress or physical contact. He might be a dragon but for his partner he's honestly just a big puppy.

—OC/character can be any gender

—Merman loves going on swims with his partner

—If your OC/character can't swim he'll teach them

—He has a bunch of Fontemer Aberrants he tamed and he'll show them off to your OC/character

—He will also show his partner some random cool things he found at the bottom of the ocean

—Might make his partner some jewelry or something from pearls

—Be nice to the Melusines, they are his children

—Plays music for his partner. Maybe, just maybe they can convince him to sing for them too. (He's a siren)

—Neutral on PDA, he won't be the one to initiate it. If his partner likes it then sure, if not then that's fine too. It's all up to the other person

—His love language(s): Quality time, gifts, words of affirmation

He's pleasant enough in public, nor does he have anything against most people but his trauma has given him a bad habit of looking over his shoulder when surrounded by people (except for a select few) which is why he prefers alone time with his partner to bond and be affectionate without being distracted. Despite being mostly comfortable in social situations and when making friends, he's a pretty private person. He's also the therapist friend (who sometimes but not often takes the advice he gives other people.) He likes to take time out of his evening/night to just talk with his loved ones about their day and how they're doing (he's surrounded by traumatized people lmao). And he likes to do little things to make their day better when they're down. It's usually based on whatever love language the other person has. But he isn't great at articulating his own feelings and struggles and tends to focus more on other people.

[starlightrows]

Better Late Than Never

Chapter 4

Masterlist

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Pairing: Alpha!Boba x Omega!reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: self consciousness, insecurity, self doubt, mention of pregnancy, concern about fertility, platonic scenting, scenting, heat symptoms, first heat, processing heat-shaming related trauma, delayed heat instincts, nesting, thigh riding, p in v sex, knotting, breeding, aftercare

AN: Happy Star Wars Day!

The days following the midsummer bonfire and your mating ritual with Boba were amazing. You got to wake up in his arms every morning and fall asleep in them at night. With each passing day you felt more comfortable with him during sex and were enjoying the experience of learning new ways to give and receive pleasure.

Ginny, Samara and Addam all kissed your cheeks and hugged you when you moved you few possessions out of the community omega tent. Obviously you would still be seeing them, they weren’t leaving Boba’s pack. But it was just like when Ahni moved out, it’s not the same when you don’t live together.

Ahni was over the moon excited for you. She told you she had suspected this all along, but you’re not sure if you believe that or not. Either way she’s been giving you more advice about being a bonded omega now and what things you can expect.

“He’ll have you pregnant in no time” she assured you one morning as you washed clothes together by the pond. The pack had not left the clearing where the midsummer bonfire was held. The pack leaders had business to contend over the next several days.

“You really think so?” You asked

“Well look at me” she laughed. Her belly was beginning to show a slight swell. “And Litus is a beta. Alphas are ten times more virile and their seed is far more potent”

“I just hope I’m…. doing everything right so that it happens” you blush a little embarrassed

“There’s really nothing you can do that’s wrong in that regard” she shakes her head “And from what I hear, Boba knows exactly what he’s doing”

Her tone strikes you as odd, but you can’t place why “What do you mean?”

“Oh I just mean that he’s had partners before” she shrugs nonchalantly

“Other mates?” You ask, suddenly feeling a beat of dread in your heart

“No no no, of course not! You are his mate. The one and only. I meant he’s had sex with many others perviously” she explains quickly “Which is relatively normal, at least in the packs we ally ourselves with”

The reassurance that you are his only mate does make you feel better, but the thought of how many people he’s had sex with preys on your mind. You’ve had sex with no one else. Not even with other omegas to get through your heat.

Boba had said that it just meant your body would only know his. That it was a beautiful thing. At the time it sounded so romantic and reassuring. But now you felt some shame surrounding it.

“Hey?” Ahni lightly touches your arm, getting your attention again after you had gone quiet. You turn your head back towards her and give her a weak smile and shake your head a little

“Sorry” you say sheepishly “What did you say?”

“I said, don’t let yourself get hung up on the past. His or yours. He chose you. Out of everyone in all nine packs in the alliance. And he does not make any decision without knowing for sure it’s the right call” Her smile is kind and open. The same one that welcomed you to the pack when you were rescued.

You lean over and wrap your arms around her in a hug “Thank you” She hugs you back and scents you gently. Showing her affection and friendship.

Later in the afternoon Boba finds you during the evening meal and sits with you.

“You have a different sort of scent today omega” he says “I smell a sadness in you. Is something wrong?”

“I’m not sad” you shrug “Just have some things on my mind”

“Come” he beckons you, extending a hand to help you stand so you can follow him back to the tent. He guides you inside, and pulls you into his arms when the flaps close behind him. He presses his forehead to yours and releases calming pheromones to soothe your body. “Tell me little one. What troubles you?”

He knows something is wrong. You didn’t even see him today and he felt that something was troubling you through your scent. You don’t want to lie to him but you also don’t have the confidence to talk about this subject with him yet. “I don’t think I should say”

“And why not?”

“Because I don’t know that discussing it would make me feel better”

“Have I done something? Hurt you in anyway? If I have, you must tell me”

“No no, nothing like that. I just… I worry that my ignorance and naivety will embarrass you”

He chuckles, a deep rumble of a laugh “Oh little one. Release these fears, you have not embarrassed me. And I doubt that you ever will. Where are these anxieties coming from?”

“Ahni was talking to me about pups and being pregnant. And that I will soon be pregnant. But I worry that there is some step or task or piece of me that I am lacking that will not allow that to come true. And then she was trying to reassure me that you knew what you were doing and I should trust in you that you have enough experience. And that just had me feeling bad that I have no experience to offer you and I —“

He places a finger on your lips, silencing your ramble and pausing the physical sensation of something rising up your throat.

“Your lack of experience is no fault of your own. But despite it, you seem to have no issue with submitting to me. Or taking my knot. Your scent still intoxicates me with every breath. I see nothing here that is lacking in anyway” he strokes your cheek with a thumb.

“However, your friend is correct about one thing. I have had many sexual partners in the past. I do not want to hide the truth from you, so I will answer any questions you may have regarding them”

You nod in his hand. Right now you don’t want to know about all of the other faceless omegas or betas from his past that have had the pleasure of taking his alpha cock, tasting his seed, kissing and touching and whatever else their relationships entailed. And you tell him as much. That you’re not ready to know those things. He respects that and appreciates your honesty, but leaves the offer open should you ever change your mind.

That evening Boba spends hours pleasuring you with his mouth, his fingers, his knot. He breeds you at least three times before you can’t keep your eyes open any longer. And it’s enough for you for now. He is honest and reassuring. He’s loyal to you and that’s all that matters.

A week later the allied packs disperse and head off their own ways again. Your nomadic lifestyle resumes and you once again get to experience new sites and sounds and foods with the lands you pass through. The only difference is now you get to ride near the head of the pack with Boba, and you get to have sex every night.

The pack has been slowly making their way north towards the mountains, Ginny told you this was the Maktarek mountain range. It’s where Alpha grew up and his father still lives there with a pack of elders. You make a mental note to ask Boba about his father, and if the pack was indeed heading that way.

About a month after the pack left the Ashlin forest Boba had confirmed that the pack was making the long journey to visit his fathers pack. Despite having already been on the move for a month, it would take at least two more to reach the village. The days were getting a little shorter and the nights a little colder, it didn’t really bother you though. On days you walked the movement in your body kept you warm and engaged with your surroundings. On days you road with Boba the heat of the bantha between your legs and the alpha pressed against your chest kept you warm.

One morning you woke up in the tent feeling a dull ache in your stomach. You felt overwhelmingly hot despite the chill of the morning air. Your head hurt and your mouth felt dry. A wave of panic rushed through you. You know this feeling. The sickening symptoms of your heat.

Normally you would take a small parcel of food and a bedroll and travel to the soaking pools at this point. You would have just enough strength to make it from your tent into the pool. The freezing cold water always burned your skin. Made your chest hurt to breathe. But it would also dowse the fire inside you. The one that you’ve now been taught to stoke and keep alight.

You remember what Samara and Addam and Ginny had told you when Ahni went into heat. You remember their lessons on what you’re supposed to do. Build a nest to make yourself a comfortable and safe space. Drink tons of water to prevent worsening your symptoms. Dehydration is extremely common because of how much you sweat and how much slick your body produces. Find an Alpha to knot you if you can, find a trusted beta or omega to get you off if you can’t. And if all else fails, masturbate to curb the craving and pray the heat doesn’t last long.

All of it is so overwhelming for you. Ahni, and several healers, have told you that because of the cold soaks you were raised to do instead of traditional omega coping skills during heat…. You technically have not experienced a full heat. You were warned that your first heat without the cold soaking would be like coming off suppressants for the first time in years. Very intense. Very painful.

You try not to panic.

“Nest” you mumble to yourself “Nest… nest…” You go to open a trunk to find more furs or blankets or pillows but instead find some of Boba’s possessions. Prized hunting weapons and armor pieces. You shut the trunk quickly, feeling terrible for invading that space.

You look around the tent and realize something. Everything is his. With the exception of the clothes you’re wearing and a small bundle of clothes like your heavy winter dress and cloak. You have no idea what you’re allowed to touch and what he would prefer you leave alone.

You’ve only been living in his tent for a month and a half. And you’ve spent most of that time traveling with the pack since the pack was just camped for almost two weeks. The panic begins to creep back in again. You don’t really know how to build a nest but you were hoping your deeply repressed instinct for it would just kick in. But with no materials you’re back to square one.

You pace around the tent and try to formulate a plan. You can’t go through all of his things to find nesting materials. So making a nest in here won’t work. That might not be a bad thing anyway, Boba does take meetings in here from time to time, it would be inappropriate for you to be nested here while he’s trying to lead and work. Maybe you could pitch a smaller tent to make your nest. But that requires finding nesting materials and a tent. Maybe nesting is just out of the question.

Move on to step two, water. That is something you can do. Boba always keeps fresh water in the tent at night. Usually he helps you drink after he fucks you and uses a damp cloth to clean you a little. It’s always tender and appreciated, it makes you feel like he genuinely cares for you. You drop down on your knees by the fresh water jug and lift the entire thing to your lips, gulping down as much as you can. There, now you don’t feel like a total failure.

Step three. Well there’s another problem. Boba had declared that this camp site would be home for a few days so the hunting party could go out on a more substantial hunt. He did not go with them this time, but he’s not here in the tent right now, because he’s busy attending his other ditues. You can’t just stop him in the middle of his day and ask him to continuously fuck you until your heat ends…. You’ve never had sex with anyone other than him and you’re bonded now so even if you did feel comfortable asking a beta or and another omega to help get you off, you’re not sure you would do it. That leaves masterbating. Yet another thing on the seemingly endless list of things you’ve never done.

Maybe there’s a pond somewhere close by, even if it’s not freezing cold. Maybe you could have Boba fuck you in the pond to help you transition…. No, that's stupid. Stupid girl. Stupid omega. The panic has risen back up into your throat again and your hands have begun to shake.

The dimly lit tent is suddenly illuminated and the haze of panic dissipates with the welcome scent of mahogany and blackberries.

“Omega?” His voice is commanding but his scent is concerned.

“Alpha?” You back away from the light, finding its sudden intrusion into this dim space threatening. He closes the flap behind him. And approaches you carefully.

“Omega. I can smell you. From halfway across camp. Your scent is stronger than it’s ever been” he advances towards you “You’re in heat, aren’t you little one”

“Yes” you nod your head “I’m sorry… I don’t… I don’t know why…”

He stops a few feet away from you and looks back throughout the tent. “Where is your nest omega?”

Tears are streaming down your cheeks. “I don’t know how to make one” you hang your head in shame “I… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before… I don’t know how”

His hands are rough and warm against your tear stained cheeks, lifting your gaze back up to meet his. His face is full of worry and concern, but also openness and understanding. “You’ve never been allowed to build a nest” he says “I can not build one for you. But I can provide you with everything you need to practice and do it yourself”

“I don’t have do it here” you say quickly “I can pitch another tent to be out of your way. I can pond soak until it goes away”

“No” he growls a little more sharply than he intends to “You will never be deprived like that again”

The growl is a little scary, he’s never growled like that at you before. But instead of terrifying you, it makes you throb with need. The cravings are getting stronger.

He lets you go and moves about the room, pulling blankets and furs and cloaks and pillows he has inside the tent. He leaves them on the floor, exactly where they are. He wants you to know where they all came from, so that you know where to find them again if you need them. And he wants you to feel as independent as possible when you make your first nest.

“I am going to get more clean water for you and more furs” he tells you “Do not fight this. Surrender to it and I will guide you through the rest” he kisses you and slips out of the tent.

You pick up a gorgeous gray fur by your foot, running the soft pelt between your fingers. You become acutely aware of the sensation of textile running over your skin. It’s bewildering in this altered state of mind, and addicting. You collect all of the furs and blankets and pillows into a big pile. Not exactly a nest, but you just need to start something. And you just need to keep touching all of these textures.

The thicker, coarser furs are heavy and sturdy. They have more variety in their texture. The softer remind you of the dyed blankets and feather soft pillows that keep your bed comfortable in the summer months when warmth isn’t as important.

For over an hour you sort through the furs. Arranging them around you. Grouping by feel and smell. Running your fingers over them, and your forearms and your cheeks. You don’t even notice that Boba had only left on the pretense of fetching you water, which most certainly does not take over an hour.

It occurs to you after a while that he hasn’t come back yet and it forces your mind to refocus, Your pile of furs you’ve been sorting and distracting yourself with has risen up around you and become your very first nest.

It’s remarkably comfortable, you almost forget about the throbbing pain in your belly and back and breasts and pussy. It wasn’t so painful when you were constructing your nest. But now it’s all you can think about.

You lay on your side surrounded by your pillows and soft furs, squeezing your thighs together and trying not to think about how desperately you want to feel Boba’s knot stretch you open. Just once. Surely you could make it through the rest of this heat in a non intrusive way if you just got to cum once on his knot. You normally had sex every night, you could survive until the evening.

“Oh look at you, omega” his voice pulls you from your rationalizing “What a beautiful nest”

You recoil at the intrusion and look at him with wide eyes. In your heart you know it’s Boba, your Alpha, your mate. But your altered state of mind perceives him as just an alpha and a potential threat in your vulnerable state.

Boba clocks this reaction immediately and does not make any movement to approach you or your nest. Instead he releases a soothing scent he knows you’ve responded well to in the past and speaks to you in a calm and quiet voice.

“You did it, omega” he encourages you “You built your first nest”

You nod your head but can’t find your voice to answer. He’s brought the water and another thick fur. But that’s not why you can’t tear your eyes from him. You’ve looked at him every day since your mating ceremony, armored, clothed, naked, there is no way you have not seen him at this point. But you have never wanted him more than right now.

“How do you feel, omega?” He prompts you, not moving from his spot.

“I’m too hot” you manage to get out “but I’m freezing cold too”

“Mmm… perhaps another fur to keep you warm against the chill” he says, carefully taking a few steps towards your nest and kneeling down to present you with the fur. Your heartbeat quickens seeing him approach but also makes you flinch.

He does not touch the nest. He does not put down the fur. He does not cross over into your space. He waits for you to come to him.

You crawl over to him, and feel a painful stab of arousal and need in your back that shoots all the way down to your pussy. It forces you to stop moving towards him and moan in pain and need.

Boba can feel himself getting a bit hot and bothered watching you. Stars you’re so beautiful, needy and moaning and simply begging to be fucked by him… but not until you invite him in. This must be done right.

When you finally reach him and take the fur he’s offered you, you can almost feel a hum in the air between you. You want him to touch your face. Kiss your lips. Push you down and rip off your clothes. You want him to put it in and knot you.

He can feel it through the bond. This desire in your body and the swirling emotions of desperation and guilt. He has every intention of giving you what you need.

“May I enter your nest omega?” He asks

“Yes” your acceptance sounds more like a plea

Boba takes off his boots and crosses the threshold into your nest of furs and pillows. He reaches for you and brings you into his lap. He can feel how hot your skin is, the light sheen of sweat that covers you head to toe. And he can feel the wet spot between your legs where slick has been pooling.

“Are you in pain, little one?” He asks in a lowered tone “Is the craving too much?”

“Yes” you whimper, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing your face into him. Your hips slide forward over his thigh, getting the barest hint of friction on your pussy.

“Mmm… my poor little thing” he squeezes your hips and gently encouraging the motion you initiated, grinding your hips forward and back “Don’t worry little one”

You whimper into his neck as you rub yourself on his thigh. It doesn’t even feel good. Not compared to the things you know his tongue can do. But you’re so horny and as much as you want to resist being this desperate, you can’t help it.

Boba on the other hand is pleased with the increasing speed of your sloppy thrusts and the neediness in your moans.

“That’s it. Good girl omega” he growls in your ear “That’s right, take what you need”

You rut yourself against him, moaning and whining until finally you get some semblance of relief. A short lived orgasm that moves through you quickly and leaves you wanting more almost instantly.

Boba wastes no time. He pushes down his pants, freeing his cock that’s been straining against the fabric since he caught your scent this morning. You move just as quickly, shimmying out of all your clothes, unable to stand the sensation of them touching your skin. Boba doesn’t even need to speak, you climb back into his lap and position him exactly where you want him to be, and sink down on his length.

You clutch his shoulders for leverage and bounce yourself up and down on his cock. You’ve never felt this way before, so desperate to get relief from this intense heat that consumes your body. The freezing cold soaking ponds staved off this heat in the past. How could you feel hot or horny when every nerve in your body was frozen and numb?

Boba watches in awe. This has been on his mind lately, worrying about how your first heat together would go. He knew your upbringing had scarred you in many ways, prevented you from being able to experience life as an omega, kept you naive. He worried you might suffer through this heat, too skittish and afraid of his scent to let him help you. But instead you are blossoming. You look divine in his eyes. Head tossed back, jaw wide open, your entirely body glistening with sweat, your pussy stretched around his cock. You’re cumming all on your own, getting the release you need, that you deserve.

After your second orgasm from riding him, Boba is still hard as a rail inside you. He’s been too focused on watching you pleasure yourself to give himself a second thought. But now you’re laying against his chest, breathing heavily as the first wave seems to have passed. Boba strokes your hair and perfumes you in his scent.

“How are you feeling now, omega?” He asks, keeping his voice low

“Selfish” you mutter against his shoulder

“Selfish?” He echos

“I thought it would go away after the first orgasm. But it did nothing, it just made me want more and more and more” you feel another throb of arousal inside you, driving you to fuck yourself on him again but your limbs feel like lead. You don’t even have the strength to grind yourself against him.

“That’s normal little one” he assures you. He presses his hand into your lower back. Sliding you as far forward onto his lap as he can. He changes positions, lowering you down into the furs while keeping himself fully sheathed inside you.

He leans forward over you and groans at the feeling of sinking just a little deeper inside. He kisses the spot just under your ear “I know what you need. I know you still need more. I know you need a knot. Why don’t I take over, hm?” His breath is hot against your skin. The desperation has returned, the buzzing sensation under your skin and involuntary pulsing in your pussy. You whimper, the need is pure agony “Do you need my knot? Need to be bred omega? Is that what you need, my pretty girl?”

Your desperate cry and pleas of “Yes!” “Please” “Please alpha” are music to his ears. He enjoys teasing you this way but never holds out on you for long. He starts his pace strong and firm, you’re wet enough to take it. He cages your head with his forearms, kissing your fervently as he fucks you. He can feel his knot beginning to swell, he won’t last much longer.

“Aggghh fuck…. are you ready omega? For my knot” he pants

“Please” whine in his ear

He gets in three more good thrusts before he can’t pull out, his knot catching inside you as he empties himself with a groan of satisfaction. Your entire body seizes up around him, making you shake with an orgasm that leaves you witless.

Boba recovers his senses quicker than you and begins scenting you again. “Good girl omega. You’re doing so well” he whispers to you through your haze. He can’t move much with his knot locking you together, but he does what he can to comfort you.

After a few minutes, your head has cleared somewhat and your eyes are focused on him. “Being in heat isn’t what I expected” you admit.

“Mmm, and what did you expect? What were you told?” He asks

“I didn’t realize how powerful it would be. Ahni and the others said it was like feelings you can’t ignore. Like when you’re starving or parched. But that’s not what it felt like. It felt like…. like…” you trail off losing your train of thought as his knot deflated and slipped out of you.

“Like what?” He grins and kisses your cheek, having a idea of what just stole your focus

“Like being possessed… controlled by something beyond my will” you shake your head a little and snuggle in closer to him.

“In a little while I’ll bring you water and food. You’ll need it to keep up your strength. This is far from over” he wants to be honest with you and he wants to show you that he is here to take care of you

“I did that part right. I drank lots of water” you pipe up

“Did you? Very good omega” he praises “You built this wonderful nest as well”

“I don’t know if it’s good or not. I didn’t get to practice before all this happened” you’ve never actually seen an omegas nest with your own eyes. Only been given descriptions and instructions from your friends

“What makes a nest good is how it makes you feel” Boba tells you “It should soothe your anxiety. Comfort you. You should feel safe inside it. Does that sound familiar?”

“Yes… it felt really good when I was done sorting all the furs you left for me. Like I accomplished something” you smile to yourself

“Good. Alphas feel that way when they can provide for their omegas. Like giving you the furs earlier”

You hum in acknowledgment, and understand his meaning.“I’m sorry you have to explain so many things to me and can’t just provide the furs and continue working”

“You misunderstand me, sweet girl. Providing for you includes more than just gifting you the furs for your nest. It’s giving you a safe place to build a nest. Feeding you. Fucking you. Taking care of you comes before any other duties in this pack”

“You like taking care of me?” You ask with warmth flooding your cheeks

“I love taking care of you” he corrects you, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You smile and enjoy his warm lips on your skin. “When you rut I will return the favor. I will serve you as you served me” you promise him

“Ruts are very different from heat cycles omega. Ruts can be very dangerous. You must understand, I am not quite myself during those times. I have gone through many unassisted in the last several years. I do not want you to feel obligated to around me during that time”

“But I want to. I want to be a good mate” you rest your forehead against his, sharing his breath and his heart “I… I love you”

His hand comes up to cup your cheek and tilt your head so he can kiss your lips “And I love you omega”

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3

[ticklepinions]

I think there's many problems in the community. But I feel like 2 in particular are merging quite a bit. So before I begin, this is in no means supporting or condoning the negative actions of others, I'm just thinking out loud basically, trying to understand why it's a problem and what not. The "explains but doesn't excuse route" to help me process things. My heart goes out to everyone who has been a victim of gro*ming.

So I've had a discussion about certain words being thrown around a lot. Words that are used as an insult, a word that triggers people immediately and follows with loads of hate comments and the classic kys.

While there is most certainly predators and p*dos in the community. I think there's a secret third option that doesn't really get talked about a lot- if at all. And that's "well intentioned adults". Adults who got the spirit! But execute in very questionable ways compared to people who are more, for lack of a better word, mature in their experiences.

I think I was one of them to an extent, but had some incidents that made me have to make decisions that would have been difficult in the past with my previous thinking (will explain later). Personally, my blog was open to all. And I hear the sfw doesn't mean safe for minors which is so true. But I still let minors follow my blog and that was a choice I own up to. Up until a couple months ago I was somewhat ok with it. Until things started happening that made me ✨uncomfortable✨. I got 13 year olds following me, minors trying to initiate tickle talk in asks/dms, trying to befriend me in ways that were just not great lmfao (trying to comfort me if I made a vent post, or in turn trauma dumping in the DMs). And this led to a LOT of reflection. I didn't want to have this responsibility so to speak, of taking care of children, who I have no previous relationship (/p) with in an online setting. So I changed my blog to a dnf. That's just me tho, I curated my internet experience to suit me after realizing that what I was doing or rather passively allowing before, made me uncomfortable. I didn't engage in the conversations that were initiated, it made me queasy lmfao.

But for *other* people. This feeling doesn't occur. You can have the extreme of being so delusional and enraptured in your own personal gains/pleasure as a p*do. Or... Be the self appointed teacher, parental figure etc. Which is a lot like gr*oming (actually it is a sign of gr*oming). It's such a complex issue in terms of the way some adults could have a genuine desire to help and not harm/manipulate but there's this disconnect where the adult doesn't recognize the harms they're causing unintentionally.

There are adults who don't mind being the educator because that's what they needed when they were a child. And I get it! They want to help. But! We've seen what can happen. And I think the reason some people are hesitant with the whole it "DEPENDS on the context" is that you're taking away their ability to *help*. But they don't realize by shutting down those conversations *is* helping. There are very few circumstances where a 30 year old should be speaking to a 16 year old about sexual topics. And in an online context, even fewer. There are SO many resources online that people can use to educate themselves, you do not have to be the sole educator for those slipping into your DMs.

From experience, minors are very impressionable and still have a lot to learn when it comes to boundaries. There was this time one of my friends sent an ask teasing me and then I got flooded by people sending in their own teases. Minors unintentionally (giving the benefit of the doubt) making me extremely uncomfortable trying to befriend me through "innocent" tickle talk. There are other instances of minors as I mentioned before trying to comfort me when I'm venting. Very thoughtful of them for reaching out and all but also they're endangering themselves. There are adults who would easily respond to them and because the adult themselves are emotionally not stable in that moment, may explain their worries to someone they realllyyyy shouldn't be sharing experiences with, sexual or not. The adult has the responsibility in this situation, as they hold the most power in the dynamic. So yeah I'm not gonna put the blame on the minors. Gonna hold the adults accountable. Because it's absolutely not okay.

I always say while intentions are cool and all it doesn't really matter much. The impact, and what your actions will be after the fact, holds much more weight.

It's so frustrating to see the same old arguments pop up in this particular community. And I've said it once before, at our core, seeing the recent discourse and posts from both parties I can see the want to keep minors safe. However, there are some people who don't see how their perceived innocent actions are actually harmful in the long run. Not only for minors but yourself as well. You deserve to have a community your age as a healthy support system. What's not okay is the waters being muddied under the pretense of helping other people. You can't fix people, and it's really not your job to do so as hard a pill that is to swallow.

I'm losing my train of thought so...

TL;DR. While there are p*dos, there are also adults who mean well but go about it in very wrong/harmful ways, and I hope that eventually (sooner rather than later) they realize the harms they caused and work towards bettering themselves.

[nothing-but-paisley]

20 Questions for Fic Writers! ✨

tagged by @monstersinthecosmos and @hekateinhell thank you! 🖤

1. How many works do you have on A03? 28, all public

2. What’s your total A03 word count? 70,744

3. What fandoms do you write for? Vampire Chronicles & AMC IWTV. I also write Hannibal fic and dabble in Star Trek (need to get into some ds9 fic one of these days.) I also have a twitter account (@murdertherapy) where I give advice as Hannibal Lecter, but I've back burnered it for the time being due to The Horrors. Might make a tumblr for it one day.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Touching and Touched, Only a Name, That Essence Rare, Amnesiac, By Any Other Name

5. Do you respond to comments? Absolutely, they make me so happy! But I get a little self-conscious about how to respond to them since I don't know how to take compliments, so I'm always just like, thanks 🙂

But I really do cherish all of them 😭

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Gotta be Gethsemane, the fic where I did what Anne maybe ultimately wished she did and killed Daniel. This is one of my favorite pieces I've written in fandom or otherwise and it really helped me process some things.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'm sure it's my spirk fic Touching and Touched, they are so fuckin sappy I love them.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I've been pretty lucky in that I've never gotten a mean comment on ao3 or any shade about any of my fics (that I've seen lol).

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Listen, I think that horniness is the engine of all drama. All fiction is inherently erotic. What is a Greek tragedy but a super drawn out communal orgasm?

But yes, I write smut almost exclusively lol. People are (usually) at their most vulnerable and raw during sex, and this is an incredibly powerful way to explore character dynamics as well as their inner lives, traumas, and hidden drives. I'm especially drawn to BDSM/kink in general.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Yes! I just wrote a VC/X-Files crossover called Amanuensis in which Mulder and Scully investigate the Night Island that was tons of fun, but it's not something I make a habit of for whatever reason.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but it's something I would definitely be open to!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Devil's Minion, Hannigram, Garashir, Spirk, Mulder/Scully. They all make me insane in unique ways! I'm also partial to Armand/Marius/Daniel--any Armand ship really! Super normal about him :)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I WANT to finish my Knight of Swords series one day, but I'll try keep plugging away at it.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue, 100%. I want everything to be a screenplay lmao. I have written multiple fics that are just text conversations, transcripts, etc.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I can be impatient when it comes to writing descriptions/actions, so a lot of that stuff is as bare bones as possible. I would like to become better at creating a sense of depth and scale and grandeur rather than just sketching things out (and writing longer fics instead of just oneshots all the time).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Neutral, I think it can work when used sparingly (but then I've dropped a few caro mios in my time).

19. First fandom you wrote for? Doctor Who in the ancient pre-ao3 times.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Apart from Gethsemane, I was really happy with how By Any Other Name turned out (the fic where Armand roleplays that Daniel is Marius without his knowledge). Basically anything that's a combination of heavy angst and smut with an optional lil sliver of comfort--that's the good stuff.

tagging: @fofoqueirah and @butchybats and @desertfangs (feel free to ignore if you've done this already lol)